Matters of Faith

Getting press

August 10, 2010

Don’t worry, later this week I’ve got lots of crafty projects and Atti pictures, but as I’m decompressing and trying to get caught up from my big conference I had a couple of things I wrote go live so I thought I’d share them here.

Patheos.com is a great site about religion, and this week they’re doing a series on the future of Mormonism. They asked me to write about the future of Mormon feminism. In the series, my article is listed right below Elder Quentin L. Cook, one of our apostles. That’s really heady company. Also check out the works written by my friends Kristine Haglund and Bridget Jack Jeffries. Big intimidating brains on those two.

Right on the heels of my big conference was a deadline for The Guardian. That Guardian. The only paper read more is the New York Times. It’s kind of a massive deal. Of course, just as I was writing the piece due the next morning, my computer gets completely overrun by the nastiest virus I have ever experienced, I turned into a hysterical screaming mess, and Bear took a personal day so that we could resolve the computer issue, take care of a baby, and meet the deadline because there was absolutely no way I could do that on my own. After buying three different anti-virus programs, doing a full system restore and then a visit with the single best Geek Squad god I’ve ever heard of, we made it back on track and in time.

The post is up today and so far the comments are pretty nice. I’ve only been called a Nazi once. Comments on a site that big are always ridiculous, but on the twin controversial topics of feminism and Mormonism, hoo boy. People have some things to say.

Filed Under: Do-gooding, Grand Schemes and Other Plans, Matters of Faith

Taking it easy

August 2, 2010

I’m away this week, off in Utah speaking at a conference and flexing my brain muscles.

I’m really excited about the panels I’m participating in, but I also signed myself up for a crazy amount of work.

Thursday August 5th:
11:15 – 12:45
ARE WE MOVING TOWARD WHOLENESS? WOMEN AND THE FEMININE IN MORMONISM
Wholeness, balance, and inclusiveness characterize maturity. This panel will consider the relationship of both the masculine and the feminine and women and men in the LDS Church. Are feminine and masculine principles, values, and perspectives balanced in Church teachings and structures? Does the Church encourage and provide resources for the spiritual development of both men and women? Do men and women receive equal opportunities to develop their talents and serve in the Church? Do the governing structures of the Church reflect and work toward wholeness, balance, and inclusiveness?

2:15 – 3:15
LINE UPON LINE: HOW THE NEW PERSONAL PROGRESS/DUTY TO GOD PROGRAMS ARE DEFINING TOMORROW’S LEADERS
I* will compare and contrast the new Personal Progress/Duty to God programs and discuss how the requirements, suggested goals, and reading assignments are similar/different for the girls and boys. I will also explore how the Proclamation on the Family has been integrated into the Primary program, discuss what seems to be the most quoted portion of the Proclamation, and examine the possible ramifications based on the rather narrow way it is quoted/used in Primary/YM/YW.

*[I’ll be responding to this author’s paper – RD]

4:45 – 6:15
THE STORIES WE TELL: HOW AN UNPLEASANT TRUTH CAN BE MORE INSPIRATIONAL THAN A PLEASANT FICTION
The stories found in most LDS publications almost always result in a predictably happy ending, but life doesn’t usually wrap up so tidily. Divorce, addiction, abuse, disability–they happen to the best of us no matter how righteous we are, and many of us feel the impulse to hide tragedy in our lives. While it can be terrifying to open up about heartbreaks and disappointments, there are surprising benefits to be found, both for those who share and those who listen. Join a panel of bloggers as they discuss why they share and what the results have been.

Saturday August 6th
2:15 – 3:15
THE ROLE OF FEMINISTMORMONHOUSEWIVES.ORG IN THE “MATURING” OF MORMON FEMINISM
The Salt Lake Tribune religion reporter Peggy Fletcher Stack asked, “Where have the Mormon feminists gone?” The answer came back: to the Internet. But does online feminism translate to change in the real world? What strides have we made, and how far do we still have to go? Is discussing gender concerns in a public forum causing more harm than good? What does Mormon feminism look like today? A panel of women from the Feminist Mormon Housewives blog share their stories and take your questions.

So while I’m off consorting with some of the most brilliant people I’ve ever even heard of and trying to keep up, Atti will be playing with Grandma, eating ice cream for every meal and breaking every rule I’ve set.

See you all next week!

Filed Under: Atticus, Grand Schemes and Other Plans, Matters of Faith

Meeting with a Mentor

July 5, 2010

There’s a side to me that you may only see hinted at if you only know me from this blog. I’ve talked plenty about how I’m LDS and work with the teenage girls. I have a link to the blog I write for geared to LDS Young Women leaders, but I also write for Feminist Mormon Housewives, and I don’t know that I’ve talked about that here.

Feminism is kind of a hot topic anywhere, but particularly within the LDS church, and since this place is not exactly a hotbed of controversial topics, plus I already had places to explore that side of me, I never brought it up here. I have seen people get really frustrated when politics or philosophy get in the way of the nice parenting and craft blog they like to read, so I thought it best to leave that part of me for the other blogs.

But sometimes I worry that that’s dishonest. Am I being prudent and polite? Or gutless and pretending to be someone I’m not?

I’m active in the Mormon studies community, meaning that I read and think a whole lot about theology and history and sociology and deep intellectual things. I go to conferences and present papers, I write (but never finish) articles to submit to the academic journals. I’m very very very slowly working on a memoir about the nature of memory and abuse. I have aspirations to be a literary writer.

So then I come back to this tension. Do I have to choose? Do I have to be a Serious Person with academic pursuits who has no time for scrapbooking? Or do I have to be a crafter who only focuses on the beauty in life?

The blogging “experts” (as if there really were such a thing since we’re all just figuring this out together as we go) say that I do have to choose. They say that I can’t market myself as a brand unless I have a single narrow focus. They say that I have to pick one thing within one thing within another thing or else I’ll never get anywhere. But I can’t bring myself to do it.

That beauty in the photo with me is Carol Lynn Pearson, a literary hero to every Mormon woman. She is an activist for gay and women’s causes, she is a devout member, she has written plays, poems, non-fiction, for every audience, and she has never chosen one part of herself over another. She is who she is, fulfilling the calling God has given her, doing the best she can by the light she has been given. And since it all comes from such a pure place, it all works.

That’s what I want for myself. I want to find the strength of character to be completely authentic, to incorporate all those parts of me into one honest self. To do the best I can by the light I have been given. I’m so grateful to have her influence.

Filed Under: Grand Schemes and Other Plans, mama musings, Matters of Faith

Happy Easter

April 4, 2010

Filed Under: Matters of Faith, Stuff I Grow, The Good Life

Our Visions, Our Voices

March 24, 2010

Monday night I spent nearly four hours in the car to attend a reading by Mormon women writers. Some of these women were new to me, some of them were my heroes, and I got to sit and listen to the words that belied the most tender feelings of their hearts.

Joanna Brooks, that smoking brunette in the front row, said that she was sick of books like The 19th Wife, or tales told as some sort of outside expose. We LDS women have a story. And we deserve to tell it ourselves.

When she said that, I felt pierced right to the heart. It’s no secret that I’ve long longed to write a book. That’s what got me blogging in the first place. It’s on my big crafty to do list. When she said, “It’s time.” it felt like she was speaking directly to me.

Here’s the thing. The book I want to write is a memoir. About my childhood. And I think that many family members would take exception to it, even if every word was documented fact. It’s a tricky issue – respecting privacy, even just not wanting to deal with any fallout – while still being honest about what happened and true to what I feel called to create. I have no idea how to deal with it, so I usually just don’t.

I don’t know. But I’m worrying at least four steps ahead of where I am. I should probably write the thing before I give myself an ulcer over how people would react to it.

I also got to meet up with a couple bloggy friends. Hi Lauren and Hannah! You guys made my night.

The reading was such an amazing experience. Inspiring, uniting as a community of sisters, it gave me so much hope to carry on when I feel like a square peg in a round hole. The tour has three more stops, all in Utah now, Thursday in Cedar City, Friday in Orem, and Saturday in Salt Lake. More info can be found here.

Filed Under: Matters of Faith, The Good Life

Beehive Headband

March 11, 2010

Last year, when I was just in charge of the 16 – 18 year olds, I came up with this little headband to welcome the girls who turned 16 and entered my class. Now that I’m over everyone, I wanted to come up with something for every girl who advanced into a new class.

The girls who are 16 – 18 are called Laurels, so I made them a laurel wreath. The 14 – 15 year old girls are called Mia Maids (which doesn’t make a ton of sense because it refers back to an old program that doesn’t exist anymore) and their symbol is a rose. So I took one of my little organza flowers and hot glued it on a headband to crown them with roses. The 12-13 year old girls are called Beehives.

Beehives are right on that cusp where you can still get away with something pretty cute. Which is a good thing, because I could not come up with a way to make a beehive fashionable. Versions of this ribbon bee are floating around the internet all over the place, but here’s how I made mine.

Start by cutting four pieces of 1/2″ wide ribbon. 2 yellow pieces measuring 4″ long and 3″ long, and 2 black pieces measuring 3 1/2″ and 2 1/2″.

Using either a needle and thread or glue, secure the ends together perpendicularly. Glue the right side of one end to the wrong end of the other, turning one side so the the ends make a square. This will make your ribbon form a loop. Do this with all four pieces.

Line all your loops up and glue or sew together. Take another piece of your black ribbon and wrap it around the tip of your loops to make a little bee head and cover up any seams. Glue or sew the ends of the black ribbon to the underside of the bee.

To make the wings, cut another piece of ribbon to 4″ long. I used a sheer cream ribbon, but anything white or cream will work. Mark the center of the ribbon, and bring the ends in to that middle point in the same way you made the loops for the body.

Glue the wings onto the top of the bee body.

Tie a little bow out of a coordinating ribbon, and hot glue it onto the headband. Hot glue the bee onto the bow.

My only problem with implementing this new tradition, is that all the girls who’ve already advanced in the classes want the headbands too. I may have assigned myself a whole lot more work than I meant to.

Filed Under: Matters of Faith, Stuff I Make, Tutorials

Fancy New Bags for my Fancy New Job

February 19, 2010

I have to carry a ton of stuff back and forth to all my Young Women meetings. Along with my regular set of scriptures, I carry a big binder with all my planning information in it, plus my own set of keys because Bear and I usually have to drive separately now, my cell phone I can suddenly never be without, and then before I leave I often have clipboards with new assignments, handouts, all manner of stuff that’s way too much for a set of arms that are already holding a toddler and diaper bag.

But trying to gather stuff together every time I had a meeting was no good either, so I decided I needed to have a designated church bag.

This bag started with the pattern for tote bags that’s in Last Minute Patchwork and Quilted Gifts [amazon associates link], but ventured off when I needed to use measurements that went with the fabric leftovers I had on hand, and when I decided that I needed a really deep bag, so I had to make it box shaped. So I guess all it really has in common is the contrasting top and bottom fabrics. Anyhoo, here’s how I did it.

For the bag exterior:
2 pieces for the top – 13.5″ x 11″
2 pieces for the bottom – 13.5″ x 9″
2 pieces for the sides – 4″ x 17″
2 pieces for the handles – 3″ x 24″

For the lining:
2 pieces for the front and back – 13.5″ x 19
2 pieces for the sides – 4″ x 17″

Sew each of the top pieces to one of the bottom pieces. Then sew the two bottom pieces together. Line the side piece up with the top of the top piece and sew down to the bottom. Repeat with the other three side seams, starting each one from the top.

This will leave you with an open section at the bottom of each side. Flatten the bottom piece to line up with the side piece, and sew across.

I like to reinforce those corners by going back over them from the top of the side seam to the bottom. This also makes the corners lay nicely.

Repeat from the beginning with the lining fabric.

Iron the top of the bag exterior, and the lining, over, wrong sides together, about an inch. Fit the lining inside the bag exterior and pin around.

To make the handles, fold the handle pieces in half and sew down the long side, making a tube. Turn right side out and iron flat. Pin the handles in between the layers of bag exterior and lining, making sure to line up the front and back handle so they’re positioned the same on the bag.

Sew a couple of lines of topstitching around the mouth of the bag, one right up near the edge to keep the lining in place, and another about a 1/2″ down to reinforce the handles.

Because I am also super anal retentive, I needed to have a special pouch just to put things like receipts that I must not must not lose. I didn’t make a tutorial for it because I was completely winging it as I went, but I really love how it turned out.

Isn’t it funny how just having a special place where things go make you feel so on top of things?

Filed Under: Matters of Faith, Stuff I Make, Tutorials

Discovery

January 8, 2010

During our epic eight year battle with infertility, I would regularly make little bargains with God in a last ditch desperate attempt to make things work. “God? If you give me a baby, I’ll stop swearing at other drivers.” “God? If I get a baby I’ll donate all my Christmas presents to Goodwill.” “God? If it works this time, I promise I’ll give a penny more often than I take a penny.” But the one thing I could never bring myself to bargain over was the potential ability of my child. Never once was I ever even tempted to say, “God? You can give me a baby with whatever challenge you’ve got. I’m willing. I just want a baby.” Never once. I was so terrified at the thought of raising a child with special needs, so sure I did not possess the mix of tenderness and patience and ferociousness it requires, that in all my fruitless bargaining I never even hinted at the offer.

I had known a few of those moms over the years, and I would marvel at their capabilities. I’ve known families that adopted child after child with profound needs, sacrificing wealth and worldly ambition to nurture these little spirits. Their lives seemed holy to me. I was sure that these were a special type of people, gifted with benevolence that the rest of us mortals could never obtain. They seemed like saints.

Despite all my fear and the certainty I had about my own limitations, my own calling into the Sisterhood of the Special Needs came. My son Atticus was born at 28 weeks via emergency C-section, spent 3 months in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, and a couple months into his hospital stay the doctors found some brain damage that resulted in Cerebral Palsy.

If my life were a movie, this is the part where I would go out walking through a late night rainstorm, railing at the heavens and cursing the God I believed in. But nothing so cathartically dramatic was available, so my husband Jared and I spent two days catatonic in front of the television, the floor littered with Cheese-It crumbs and Ho-Ho wrappers as we tried to eat our feelings. Once we found the strength to leave the couch and wash the orange dust off our hands, we made our way back to Atti’s bedside to discover that he looked exactly the same as he did before the diagnosis. He was still our teeny little super guy. He was still the hard won little blessing that we had rejoiced over before. He now just carried this label that left everything else up in the air. I was overwhelmed with love for him, but the visions I had of my future were terrifying. I had no idea how I could be the mom a kid like this would need.

Suddenly I found myself in this club of sainted women, only I was a bundle of neurosis with a short temper and serious self-doubt. But since I was still in the club whether I wanted to be or not, it meant that you didn’t have to be some paragon of virtue to belong, which meant that those women I had always admired weren’t some rare breed of perfection but regular old women who were just doing amazing things. And since I was just a regular old woman, maybe I could get there too. This realization gave me the faith I needed to straighten my shoulders, take a deep breath, and get to work.

It’s been nearly two years since he was born, and we’ve spent three or four days a week shuttling between doctors and therapists of every stripe. Every few months Atti accomplishes a new skill on his way towards independence. His progress is slow, so slow that if you didn’t know what you were looking at you’d think he was stagnant, but it is progress nonetheless. We have become cheerleaders for every independent movement, recognizing how many muscles and systems have to coordinate just to eat, and thrilled on a day when he poops. He’s growing into such a motivated and stubborn little kid, I think he’s going to prove the doctors wrong with a smirk on his face.

My journey into motherhood was so very arduous, on the surface it probably seems to bear little resemblance to the majority of mothers out there. I still find myself choosing to say “when Atti was born,” instead of “when I gave birth” because that emergency trip into the operating room and then three months away from my baby seems to have almost nothing to do with the typical experience. But I think my experience carries what is true for every mother, just compressed.

Motherhood seems to carry those moments for everyone – moments when you are convinced you don’t have it in you, moments when you feel at the absolute limit of your capabilities and you’re still being asked for more. It’s easy to put moms like me in our own category of saintly special cases, but it’s just not true. Getting this diagnosis did not come with a special gift basket of great character traits. When my worst fears were realized and I was forced to confront what I was going to do, I didn’t do anything more or less than most mothers do daily, I discovered more in me than I thought was there, and I did what my child needed.

Filed Under: Are you kidding me?, Atticus, Grand Schemes and Other Plans, Matters of Faith, The Good Life

Laurel Headband

June 10, 2009

At church I teach the 16 – 18 year old girls. This group is called the Laurels. Off the top of my head, I don’t remember why they got that name, but that’s the way it is. I’ve been looking for a good way to welcome the girls into my class as they turn 16, and I came up with this so-simple-why-haven’t-I-thought-of-this-before idea. I know a lot of my readers are LDS, so I know you guys will be able to put this to use, but once I saw my girls were wearing these headbands to school, I figured that the rest of the world might be interested in crowning themselves with laurels too.

All I did was get a couple of different colors of green wool felt and cut a million little teardrop shapes out of them.

Then, starting at one end, I started hot gluing them on to a regular old headband so that they overlapped each other and covered up the color underneath.

Continue this way until you reach the middle of the headband, and then start again from the bottom of the other side.

You can embellish this with glitter or little flatbacked rhinestones, or just leave it the way it is. I think this would also make a great finishing touch for any of you upcoming toga parties.

Filed Under: Matters of Faith, Stuff I Make, Tutorials

Healer Embroidered Quilt

April 9, 2009

Once we got Atti’s official Cerebral Palsy diagnosis, we had to start a whole new round of evaluations and state agencies. We just went this week to a school nearby where they have a huge therapy gym with equipment that would make your mind boggle, and a new Occupational Therapist and Physical Therapist put him through his paces. These things take time to go through all the layers of red tape, but it looks like in about a month I’ll be taking Atti to a school twice a week for therapy. It will be for the best in the long run, they are better funded and equipped than the home therapists, but it does mean that we’ll lose the Physical Therapist that has been coming to help Atti every week for a year.

It’s a very complicated mix of emotions. I’m excited about the new place – they have a treadmill with a harness to teach him how to walk! – I think we’re going to get really good and aggressive treatment, and it will be really good to become a part of the community of disabled kids and their moms. But Jan has been in my home every week for a year, helping Atti get bigger and stronger every day, loving him and being loved by him. Atti loves to give her kisses and asks for kisses from her. She was in our family Christmas card for crying out loud. It’s a major loss to not have her nearby.

So I had to make her something and it had to be good.

But since I don’t really know when her treatment will end, it had to be quick. And since that job unpleasantness I mentioned means that Jared is leaving his current job (everything’s fine, more news to come), it had to be cheap.

I raided the fabric I had (calling it a stash is really an overstatement) and I grabbed a bunch of different types of fabric with different weights in colors that seemed to work for me. Jan is a vibrant redhead who looks fabulous in jewel tones, so I thought that would be a good way to go.

I really like quilting with non-quilting fabric. My first attempt at quilting involved knits and flannels and some fuzzy thing that I paper pieced together and I really loved the effect. In this one there’s some cotton, some linen, some stretchy red thing, and the main cream fabric is a crepe backed satin that I had left over from my quilt of hate. I just pieced them together in a very easy modern block pattern, pretty much making it up as I went.

That took care of the fast and cheap parts, but I still needed something to make it good.

I did this little embroidery in the bottom corner, inspired by all the embroidery that…oh, shoot. I can’t remember who it was. It was during all the doll quilt making of last year. Maybe Vicki at Turkey Feathers? Anyway, somebody out there was making little doll quilts and embroidering inspirational messages on them, and it inspired this. Sorry whoeveryouwere!

I sketched this out quickly and stitched it up while watching LDS Conference over the weekend, and I absolutely love it. I think it’s subtle, but powerful, if that makes any sense. And once the quilt is quilted it will really become a focal point, since I literally plan on drawing a circle around the design and then radiating that outward. I want to evoke a rippling pond to kind of symbolize how significant her efforts will be in Atti’s life.

The only trick now will be basting the quilt, since I seem to have torn some cartilage in my knee while out gardening yesterday. I am a cartoon.

Anyway, while I was stitching this up during conference, talk after talk focused on Jesus Christ and how we need to turn to Him when times are hard. I sat there stitching and thinking about His role in my life, and it just all seemed perfect. So I thought I’d share this little design with all of you as a little Easter present.

Healer Embroidery pdf Download

I’m learning photoshop publicly as I go, so if anyone has any tips on how to get some nice smooth lines, I’d love the input. Right now I’m just doing it with a steady mouse hand and a paintbrush. There’s got to be an easier way.

Filed Under: Matters of Faith, Stuff I Make, Tutorials

Getting press

Taking it easy

Meeting with a Mentor

Happy Easter

Our Visions, Our Voices

Beehive Headband

Fancy New Bags for my Fancy New Job

Discovery

Laurel Headband

Healer Embroidered Quilt

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