Motherhood and other creative adventures
Catching up after my week long pity party…
Bear got me a new subscription to Martha Stewart for my birthday and I’ve been just loving it. February’s issue was particularly good and included this fabulous recipe for Peanut Butter and Jelly Cupcakes. We made the cakes a little peanuttier, the frosting a little less and a whole lot sweeter. The cupcake is nice and dense. Without the frosting you could easily serve it as a peanut butter muffin. Really, really yummy.
If I admitted that I just now finished doing the dishes from Atti’s party on Saturday, would that burst your image of me? It’s all about priorities ladies and gentlemen, and dishes are rather far down on mine these days.
The party was great fun, small but chaotic nonetheless. Since it’s just his first and he doesn’t have real friends or anything yet, we just had the immediate family over. We grilled hamburgers in between rain showers, I made homemade french fries and salad, and then I decided I had to have a cookie bar. I have no idea what possessed me, we ended up giving cookie plates away to friends and neighbors since we made more than any of us would ever want to eat, but it was still fun to do.
I used Martha’s Cookie of the Day resource and we made Mudslide Cookies, Pink Grapefruit Sandwich Cookies, and our own recipe for Peanut Butter Cookies. The pink grapefruit cookies are out of this world. Holy Cow! They’re outrageously good and no one had ever tasted anything like it. Those will now be on our greatest hits list.
Once again we went overboard on the cake. We made a burgundy fondant cover, carved the cake into the shape of pages, covered it with a creamy peach fondant, and then cut and painted the sides to look like gilded pages. I had plans of sculpting little characters from his books, but yet again I ran into my own limitations. Fondant and gum paste just do not work like polymer clay, so I’m struggling to figure out how to make it do what I want. We were a little bummed we couldn’t make it look like our vision, but we feel like we’re getting way closer each time.
Of course Atti had to have the felt crown from Amanda’s book. The best part was that since I was so busy with last minute cookie baking to consider a birthday hat, I only started this about an hour before guests arrived and I finished it with time to spare.
I asked the family to not get us toys. He has plenty of toys. We’ve broken our own No Plastics rule to get him toys that will aid his development, he does not need more. Instead we asked for books. There can never be enough books in our house. But everyone took pity on poor Atti with his humdrum granola mom and bought him whatever they felt like anyway. Everyone actually bought him great stuff, and were way too generous. I was really touched by the efforts they made to go along with my love of the natural. We got wooden trains, wooden buses, wooden blocks, books, and even the plastic toys light up and play music just like Atti likes best.
It was hilarious to see the reaction around the table when we opened up the gifts from us. A storybook about fuzzy bears, a toy I made, and a CD of Ladysmith Black Mambazo music. Bless their hearts, they try, but I don’t think they always understand why I do things they way I do.
I’ve been meaning to make him these hanging toys for months, but I kept putting it off. I waited a little too long, I think he’s a little advanced for them now, but I’m still happy I finally got this one out of my head and out into the world. I wanted him to have something to bat at and chew on from his car seat that wasn’t made of plastic, and I couldn’t find anything. So this little chain alternates a wood ring and a fabric ring so I could still use them to attach things where I wanted, and the wood is a fantastic teether. I’ve got a tutorial coming up for these this week, and I’m also planning on having some available in my next shop update, which I’m hoping will be at the beginning of next month.
I also made him this toybox to corral all the toys that seem to have been breeding in the middle of the night. We’ve hardly bought a thing, but between toys on loan from therapists and family members concerned for how much fun we let this kid have, we have more toys than I know what to do with.
I made it just the size to fit into this one odd little cranny I have. I put it on wheels so it’s easy to pull around, and the sides are soft so Atti can crawl right inside if he needs to to reach the perfect toy. I took notes as I built it to do a tutorial, but it would be a pretty long and specific one, I’m thinking instead of making it a pdf download available for a couple bucks. If anyone’s interested than give a shout in the comments so I can see if it’s worth the effort.
Of course once the party was over, literally as the guests were walking out the door, I felt my sinuses start to plug up. As soon as my big deadline was met and I had a couple days to relax before starting the next big thing, that’s when I get sick. And as my sisterfriend Schelle says, Mommies don’t get to be sick. So I’ve been doing all I can to keep the baby happy without actually expending energy or allowing anything to touch my achy body. I have a ton of wonderful emails I need to get back to, but I’m going to plead sick day and get back to my couch bed. Luckily I’ve been so busy with the party that I haven’t been watching TV, which means that my Tivo is stuffed and waiting for me.
A few months ago I introduced you all to my Aunt Liz and recommended her fabulous, downhome, country cookbook.
I’ve been cooking at least one meal a week from that cookbook ever since. It’s not exactly fat free food, but it is wonderful homey comfort food like some lucky people’s grandmas used to make.
As much as I love the recipes, what’s really been a lifesaver for me is the philosophy behind it. Liz is on a mission to get families back to the table together, and she created a method of making that job easier that is super common sense, like all the best ideas. Liz has theme nights she uses to narrow down her choices when she’s planning a menu. So instead of choosing from all the recipes ever created, she just picks one for “Mexican Night.”
I’ve totally adopted her theme night philosophy. Meal planning was always my least favorite chore because I’d spend hours sorting through a whole library of recipes. It just makes so much sense to create categories to choose from to make my life simpler.
Liz has theme nights that she recommends to get you started, but she also recommends customizing them to fit the needs of your family, so we do:
Monday: Comfort Food (because everybody hates Mondays and needs something to feel good about)
Tuesday: Ethnic Food (because we couldn’t pick just one or two favorite cuisines)
Wednesday: Fish and Meatless (Bear’s least favorite night of the week)
Thursday: WILD CARD! (For special family favorites or to try out new recipes)
Friday: Pizza Night (homemade of course)
Saturday: Grill Night (Here’s where living in San Diego comes in handy)
Sunday: Company Food (you know – the fancier, fussier meals)
To make my job even easier I got myself a bunch of notebooks (and of course they had to be color coded since I’m OCD like that) so that I could just flip to the one book I need to plan each nights meals.
Now that the notebooks are made, I have to get the recipes all in one place to put them inside. That’s a little daunting when you have a bookshelf full of cookbooks. But this is why it’s on my year long goal list. I figure that once I get a meal just the way we like it, if I spend a few minutes while feeding the baby or on the phone typing that recipe up, it won’t take terribly long before I’ll be all organized. AND, doing it that way will force me to actually decide if I like the recipe before just adding it to the collection. My first cookbook I compiled right after marriage…well, I don’t know if I’ve even tried half the things in there. And yet I’ve carted it around for ten years. It’s time to streamline.
I’ve described myself in the past as being about equal parts hippy dippy flower child and hard boiled cynic, and that really fits in most aspects of my life. I think I’d describe my taste as equal parts modern designer and Handmade antique. I can’t fully commit to the handmade aesthetic, and I can’t fully commit to the sterile modern design either. Luckily my wishy-washy-ness has been really helpful with how my particular journey into motherhood has transpired.
Oh I had goals. I had the loftiest of goals. Attachment parenting, cosleeping, cloth diapering, no plasticing, organic everything goals. And even though every single person around me thought I was out of my mind, including occasionally Bear, I stuck to my guns. California has a reputation as being full of the organic lovers, but it varies greatly by the region, and once you get south of LA it’s all a very conservative, frequently wealthy, “Ah, just buy it, it’s easier.” kind of mentality.
But I wouldn’t listen to the skepticism. I had my plans, including preparation for an unmedicated birth, and nothing was going to dissuade me from them.
Until Atti was actually born.
There went my unmedicated birth – it was far more important that we both make it out alive. There went my beautiful dreams of breastfeeding – no matter how many hours a day I attached myself to the pump my milk supply dried up before he even made it home. There went my ideas of attachment parenting – it’s a little hard to wear a baby and an oxygen tank. No cloth diapers – I spend hours every day doing physical therapy, I have to limit as many household chores as possible.
The one that really hurt my heart was giving up on the No Plastics rule. He still has the fancy bottles, so I suppose that’s what is most important, but I’ve scoured the internet and I’ve never found a toy made of wood or cloth that lights up and plays music when you hit it. And that’s what he needs to motivate him to do physical therapy.
I still try though. We coslept until he was too big to fit in the bed, I try to wear him as often as possible (he’s sitting on my lap as I type) and I make all his baby food from organic fruits and vegetables.
Really, I’ve been pretty surprised to discover just how ridiculously easy his baby food has been. It takes me maybe one afternoon every five months, and costs maybe $25. WAY cheaper than buying in a jar, and I know there’s no preservatives, no sugar, no salt, and all the vitamins haven’t been processed out.
And yet this was the parenting choice that people really went nuts about. This was what convinced people I was a total extremist. I don’t know exactly what people think is so complicated about making baby food, but just in case you’ve toyed around with the idea let me explain.
1. Chop food into chunks and either boil or steam. If it needs to be cooked at all. Most fruit doesn’t need it, avocados don’t need it.
2. Run the prepared food through a blender or food processor to make a nice puree. If it’s a little thick, thin it down with some of the cooking water.
3. Pour the puree into ice cube trays and freeze.
Done.
Early this week I sat down with a mess of apples, nectarines, squash, and carrots, and in about three hours from start to finish I have enough baby food to last him for months.
Pouring into the ice cube trays creates perfect 1oz serving sizes, so I just grab a couple of veggi cubes and defrost. Then I don’t have to worry about throwing out a ton of food if he isn’t cooperative. I also supplement in with fresh mashed bananas, fresh mashed avocado, a bunch of cereals, and yogurt.
The reason I wanted to adhere to all those parenting philosophies was because I was convinced they were better for a child. And I still am, but they weren’t better for *my* child. Or I should say, *this* child. If I get to have another one I’ll try all over again. But at least I can rest easy that I gave this baby what he needed, and that was the whole point.
I had a ton of guests around last week, so I used the occasion as an excuse to make my favorite sinfully wonderful cake.
I invented this recipe myself and it all started because I don’t really like chocolate. I know, I know, it’s crazy, but it’s true. I like sour fruity desserts, chocolate doesn’t thrill me, unless it’s hot chocolate which I could drink in place of water. I am a connoisseur of hot chocolate, and my very favorite is Mexican Hot Chocolate because they add a ton of cinnamon to an otherwise somewhat bitter taste.
So I made a Mexican Hot Chocolate Cake. Here’s the recipe:
For Cake:
1 1/2 Cups all purpose flour
3/4 Cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/8 Cup cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 Cup sour cream
1/3 Cup water
2 tsp vanilla
1 Cup unsalted butter, softened
1 1/3 Cups firmly packed light brown sugar
3 large eggs
For Frosting:
3/4 Cup unsalted butter, softened
1 Cup cream cheese, whipped
4 ounces unsweetened chocolate, melted and cooled
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 Cups powdered sugar
2 Tablespoons cinnamon
Make Cake:
Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour two 9″ round cake pans.
Into a bowl, sift together dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk together sour cream, water, and vanilla.
In a large bowl with an electric mixer beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add flour mixture to butter mixture in batches alternately with sour cream mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture and beating until batter is blended well.
Divide batter between pans and bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Make frosting:
In a bowl with electric mixer, beat together butter and cream cheese until light and fluffy. Add all the other ingredients, and beat until combined well.
If you leave the melted chocolate out of the frosting and cut back on a little of the sugar, you’re left with a really yummy cinnamon buttercream frosting that I think would be delightful on a spice cake or a pumpkin cake.
For years now, we’ve been looking for our Christmas gift niche. The one thing we could make that would be signature and have people angling to be added to our list to get their hands on our special family [fill in the blank]. We know one family who makes a highly coveted salsa, another that makes tamales, another makes homemade toffee, and my mother-in-law Sally compiles cookie plates on a different fancy Christmas plate every year. Her neighbors now have quite a collection of Christmas dishes.
I make a really good tomato chutney, but that didn’t seem to be universally appealing. If you like tomatoes, you’d definitely be hunting for it, but if they’re not your thing then there’s not much else to recommend it. We’ve also experimented with bread, but that took way too long. We needed something that could be made in bulk. I think we’ve finally hit upon it this year.
Bear did most of the work on this duo of sauces. We got both the recipes out of this book (which is freaking amazing. Best money I ever spent. EVER. Buy the book and a kitchen scale and amaze all your friends at your virtuosity in the kitchen.) and then toyed with the proportions a little bit to get the right balance between sweet and either tart or bitter.
They maybe don’t look super appetizing here (my kitchen briefly looked like a very unfortunate CSI lab tech worked there) but they are crazy delicious. Blow your mind and lick the bottle clean fantastic.
While Bear was whisking the night away, I was clicking around between Word and Photoshop making these cute little tags and labels. Pretty labels just make me inordinately happy.
We were both working away with the baby napping upstairs and Christmas music playing over the internet, Christmas lights on and the whole house smelling like cocoa powder. What a perfect way to spend a Christmas weekend.
I’ve kind of become obsessed with trees over the years. I think Christmas got me started. I don’t know what it is, but nothing makes me happier then staring at a beautifully composed Christmas tree all lit up, with a cup of cocoa in my hand and a kitty on my lap. When I married Bear and saw how crazy his parents go for Christmas, I knew I had to jump in, but they rely mainly on dolls, which just creep me right out. I knew that my festivities would involve trees as far as the eye could see.
Maybe it’s a subconscious thing – my friends and family do call me Tree after all.
Anyway, when it was time to decorate for Thanksgiving I knew there was only one way to go. This time it would be a gratitude tree.
I made up a bowl full of little paper ornaments, and I make everyone who enters my home contribute. I’ve got friends from school, my young women from church, Atti’s therapists, and of course my dinner guests.
The rules are simple: Write something you’re grateful for, but it can’t be something everyone is grateful for. You can’t write “My Family” or “My Job” or “My House.” You can write something about those things, but it has to be specific.
Some of my favorites:
The cool side of the pillow
stand up comedy
A crisp night and an open window
the DVR
fuzz
a hug from my baby after a long day of work (guess who wrote that one)
that tart frozen yogurt
my fancy chef’s knife
the back of a baby neck
I have a ton of work ahead of me – getting the house ready for much beloved guests, dealing with a cranky teether, starting all the cooking. I’m pretty much following my typical menu (along with time-tested battle plan you can see here)except this year I’m going to add a side of corn with bacon, and instead of whipped sweet potatoes, I’m going to do the traditional baked with little marshmallows. Then at the grocery store last night I got one of my wild hairs and decided that I absolutely could not go another year without making a homemade cranberry sauce. So I just grabbed a couple things I thought would work and I’m going to make it up as I go along. Also, in the time since that post Bear has become a fabulous pastry chef, so instead of my trifle, I’m going to turn the second dessert over to him and let him make a pumpkin chocolate swirl cheesecake.
Cooking a big dinner for guests is one of my purest joys in life. I’m a little stressed today, but to me, it’s like the feeling you get waiting in line for a roller coaster. I was so torn about this dinner because part of me wanted to invite everyone we knew, and the other part wanted to hog The Good Twin and her family all to myself. I just need to throw dinner parties more often.
There are about seven different paths I could have gone down in life and still been happy. One of them is as a chef. Culinary school always sat in the back of my mind as something that I would love to do someday…along with vocal training, an MFA, school for design (interior or graphic), training for a marathon, and art classes. I suppose it was always slightly more likely than everything else because of the practical application in my family life, but it seemed just as misty and far off as any other dream I’m not currently pursuing.
And then I just fell backwards into the luckiest opportunity ever and before I knew it I was in a kitchen in checkered pants and a funny looking hat on my head.
California has a program called ROP, Regional Occupational Program, where you can receive training in specific fields for free. Usually it’s things like Diesel Mechanics or Heating and Air Conditioning. It’s a benefit to the community to fill certain jobs, and it’s a benefit to get people more and better employment. I happen to live in an area chock-a-block with casinos desperate for trained chefs, and so for absolutely no money, I get to get training from a Certified Executive Chef in a nationally accredited program. And the best part is that it only meets one night a week.
I’m never again going to have an opportunity like this. I’ve looked into culinary schools before and they were full time and then some and cost thousands and thousands of dollars. Never again will I be able to take one class at a time one night a week and save myself that price tag. So even though I really really really don’t need one more thing on my calendar, I have to make this work.
I’m having a blast. I lucked into a fantastic team and we work so great together. We laugh and tease and scream for each other when we manage to flip an egg without breaking the yolk.
My best Iron Chef face.
My chef looks scary, but he’s a teddy bear. Somehow he manages to keep us all entertained through five straight hours of lectures. And this is my friend Ieesha. She always calls me her “new best friend.” And just last week we discovered that our birthdays are on the same day. We giggled like maniacs.
I’ve always done well at schoolwork from the book, but labwork is a little more difficult for me. I was really nervous that once I got in the kitchen I’d fall apart, but so far I’m doing really well. We have three weeks of finals coming up, a couple of practical exams and a final written exam, and I’m already having anxiety dreams about it. The other night I dreamed that Chef just started testing us on random abilities. He pulled out a big piano and started playing, and we had to sing a song on the spot. Then we had to paint a piece of ceramics, and then do a math problem. All while wearing our big chefs jackets and goofy hats. I was hoping that I’d be able to relax a little more this time through school, but apparently those pressures never go away.
Ta Da!
This cake was complicated, and I can’t say we were completely successful. But close enough. Despite the fact that at one point I got so frustrated with our dadgum royal icing that I may or may not have thrown a palm leaf across the room.
It may seem like an odd concept for a cake, but we were celebrating three birthdays. The Egyptian pyramid was for my sister-in-law Mari and my Father-in-law Mike, who are both history nuts for this period. Then the USC flag on the top is our nod to sister-in-law Dianna, who is an alumnus and superfan of the USC football team.
We had some major execution problems. For starters, you’d think a simple pyramid would be an easy shape to carve. You’d be wrong. Well, it may be a simple shape, but it turns out that carving a cake is much more complicated than we figured. I kept ending up with one side of the pyramid being thinner than the other because I could not manage to keep my knife straight. Then we tried to frost the cake and those tiny little layers would not hold still. Bear made homemade lemon curd and French Buttercream frosting to use as fillings in between the layers of white cake. It was unbelievably delicious, but even after cramming toothpicks all throughout the cake, nothing would stay put. I finally ended up slightly melting the frosting and pouring it over the top.
Then we tried to put the fondant on, but the point of our pyramid kept slicing right through it. We ended up tossing a layer across it like a saddle, and then doing two separate triangles for the other sides. Removing some of the weight like that helped a little, but by the time we got around to eating it, you can see how the fondant drooped. The bricks started out straight.
And then of course there were those infernal palm trees. I sculpted them out of gum paste, but I let the leaves and the trunk dry separately. Only then did I discover that there was no good way to attach them together. Our royal icing refused to set up, and after throwing a slightly major hissy fit, I gave up and went to bed. When we got to Bear’s folk’s house, we caved and used hot glue.
Still, despite my completely unrealistic standards, I’m more happy than disappointed with how this cake turned out. Bear came up with putting the Nile in there out of sugar, and that was a huge hit. Micah insisted on licking the river like a lollypop and knocked over the palm trees that managed to stay up. And Bear also came up with the brown sugar sand. He’s turning out to be so creative. I think all those years working in Tresa’s Sweatshop he’s managed to pick up a thing or two.
Going over my change of address card yesterday reminded me that I don’t think I’ve mentioned Bear’s new hobby. This makes a grand total of four. Me, sports, TV, and now baking. In that order.
Years of watching the Food Network finally got through to him. We’d watch those crazy cake decorating competitions and, of course, Ace of Cakes, and one day out of the clear blue sky Bear turns to me and says, “I think I’d like to try that.” I remember turning to him and waiting for the punchline, but he was absolutely serious.
So for Christmas that year I bought him a kitchen scale and a really really fancy baking book. He hasn’t had a ton of time to delve into things, but so far everything he has made has turned out perfectly. It’s kind of infuriating to me. I’ve been baking for years with mixed results, and on his first try everything just works. He keeps signing up to bring complicated desserts to events when he’s not only never made them before, but never even tried the technique before. I try to gently warn him that you probably shouldn’t plan on taking an untested recipe out in public, but then it turns out perfect, again, and I just look like a killjoy.
I think the secret for him is two things: 1) I splurged and got him a PROFESSIONAL cookbook. A cookbook they use as a textbook. Everything is measured by weight and everything is explained in super precise detail. This book is made to set a baker up for success. And 2) Bear has years of training as a Chemistry student that make him an excellent baker. I am a fantastic cook. But I’m a mediocre baker. And that’s because cooking and baking require different skill sets. My creative, throw it in a pot and let’s see what happens, a little of this and a little of that, style of cooking works great. But it’s a disaster for baking which is much more like a chemistry experiment. All those years he thought he was preparing to be a doctor, turns out he was in training as a pastry chef.
Bear’s already imagining what Atti’s first birthday cake will look like. He has grand ideas of some fondant and buttercream extravaganza that would be right at home on the shows he loves. So in preparation, he’s volunteered to make all the family birthday cakes until then as practice.
Our first outing was for our niece Ella’s 2nd birthday. She’s totally into pink and girly and loves butterflies, so we thought we’d keep it simple and do a cake covered in pink fondant and decorated with butterflies. Actually, I thought we’d keep it simple. It took quite a while for me to convince Bear that for his first attempt at fondant he should start small instead of carving an enormous butterfly out of cake and decorating it with every color in the rainbow.
It’s a good thing I prevailed because the cake turned out cute, but stretched us to the ends of our abilities.
Bear mixed the colors into the fondant and rolled it all out. A huge pair of muscley arms really come in handy for that. Then we used cookie cutters for the flowers, and I cut the letters out by tracing letters I printed out on the computer. The butterflies are made out of gum paste because it’s supposed to dry hard, but it apparently takes longer than overnight because we had the hardest time getting them to hang on the wires without sagging and breaking. Then we colored them with these really cool food coloring markers. The wire by the way, is a straight up knock off of Chef Duff.
We also made cupcakes so we could have enough to feed all the guests.
This weekend is our next family birthday. It’s actually a 3-fer. My sister-in-law Dianna, My other sister-in-law Mari, and my father-in-law Mike. Bear is still every bit as ambitious, but this time I have completely failed in reigning him in. His plans include two kinds of filling, eight layers of cake, and building a pyramid complete with palm trees and the Nile river. He’s very excited, and I think we might just be able to pull it off.