I missed Mother’s Day at church since we were out of town, so I got my Mother’s Day present from Atti last Sunday. I never saw myself as the super sentimental “save everything my baby touched” kind of mom, but when I saw this card I threw all my cynicism right out the window and teared right up.
I mean, look! My boys!
When we got home I headed straight for the fridge to put it up. Putting that magnet on the fridge seemed like such a monumental moment. I could see myself repeating that act over and over again, our lives together flashing forward in front of me. I saw the artwork, the report cards, the college acceptance letter, all stretching out in front of me as we leave his babyhood behind.
I was already welling up, overcome by the significance of such a simple gesture, and then I took a look at the magnet. There was no forethought, I just grabbed the first magnet that came to my hand, but I have spent years looking at this magnet every time I walked through the kitchen, and sighing.
The quote reads:
One must still have chaos inside oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
During all those years of infertility I really struggled with the thought that I would be a less than perfect mother. Unhappy childhood, bad modeling, blah blah blah, fears we all have to one degree or another, and I loved the imagery of this quote and the thought that we can all turn unpleasantness into beauty. That maybe some unpleasantness is necessary for beauty.
I stood there at the fridge and just watched my life come full circle. All those years of clinging to the thought on that little magnet to get me through, and there I was using that same magnet to hang my child’s Mother’s Day card.
Life just creates little poetic moments sometimes, doesn’t it.