After naming my child Atticus you’d probably assume that I take him to the library every day, that we lounge around bookstores in our free time, that he’s already worked his way through the entire Seuss oeuvre. Not so much.
Oh it’s a sad fact of life that there are only so many hours in a day, and we all must pick and choose what we’re going to spend our time on. And even the most virtuous non-time-wasters still have to decide what good thing they’re going to have to do without. There’s just. too. much. to do. And for us, for now, the thing that we’re doing without is a ton of time reading books and out exploring the world.
Up until now, I haven’t felt too bad about it. I’m pretty realistic with myself and I’ve learned to say no over the years. I wouldn’t have thought I’d take it so personally that I can’t do everything, but now I’m starting to worry if I’m impacting his development.
He jabbers constantly, way way more than many of his friends, but his ratio of actual words is probably lower. And after last week’s zoo trip it got me thinking that maybe he could do more if I spent more time exposing him to more. Maybe if I was constantly reading to him, or taking him out to explore one new place after the other, maybe he would be able to talk and interact more. Maybe I’m inflicting my homebody-ness on him and he would be better off if I came up with a different approach. So then I get weepy and beat myself up for a while.
But then I have to remind myself that language is not the only issue we’re dealing with, and that’s one that he’ll probably, almost definitely, be able to catch up on, and that it’s far more important to address his physical needs. But since that is somewhat easier for me, seeing as it involves a whole lot of floor time and getting him to crawl around the house – which Gizmo takes care of for me, I naturally tell myself that I’m just taking the easy way out.
I suppose there’s no way to make it out of this motherhood gig without second guessing yourself. I just wish I could get it through my head that I don’t have to do it all, at least all at the same time.