Just when things were going so well….
I naively hoped that finally, Finally, FINAAAAAAAALLLLLLLYYYYYYY, things were going to turn around for us. After a decade of struggles it looked like we were going to have everything we wanted. Great house, great job, great family.
I must have forgotten how my life actually works.
For the past year now, just after we bought the house – of course, Bear’s job has been in jeopardy. Not through anything he did or didn’t do. He is incredibly good at his job. His staff adores him, he breaks all kinds of financial records, he supervises over excellent care for the patients. But shortly after he was hired his company, a huge national corporation, decided to make a number of changes in their business model which included selling their Southern California buildings.
It is standard procedure when a new company comes in to fire the administrator because usually you only sell a building if it’s not making money, and if it’s not making money it’s the administrator’s fault. But our circumstance was different because they had just replaced the long time administrator with Bear, who was turning things around remarkably fast. We really thought we were in a pretty good position.
All year long we’ve been holding our breath as one company after another came through, tried to buy the building, threatened his job, and then fell through. After over a year now, one company finally stuck it out and the sale becomes official sometime next month.
This industry is very small (which is why I’m being so vague) so we had lots of friends and contacts feeding us information and rumors about the new company and their plans. Bear prepared an impressive presentation, met with the new owners, and we were sure we had it in the bag. They even had conversations where they told us that they couldn’t talk out of turn but that we should “read between the lines” about our future with the company. Without handing us a contract, they made it as plain as they could that we were staying on board.
Until Friday when they called Bear out of the blue and told him he was fired.
We turned down so many offers and other opportunities. A couple of months ago when we flew to Tuscon? We had a job offer that was fantastic and the only reason we aren’t in Arizona now is because we felt so sure this one was going to work out. The market is kind of bleak at the moment, so we don’t know what is going to happen.
Obviously, we were pretty distraught over this, so we rushed down to the hospital to spend some time with our baby and put a few things in perspective. We knew we were in trouble when we walked in and the nurse ran to get the doctor who wanted to talk to us.
The biggest risks for preemies are lungs, brain, eyes. In that order. Friday they did his first eye exam and everything looks pretty good. Even if he were to stop progressing at this point he wouldn’t be blind, he’d just need some laser surgery. So that’s good. He’s making great progress on the oxygen and now there’s only one more step down before he’s off of it for good. That leaves the brain.
In a routine scan, they discovered two little “cysts” in the middle of his brain. These are areas of the brain that had at some point been denied oxygen and consequently been damaged, resulting in Cerebral Palsy. They are located in the part of the brain that governs gross motor skills.
We won’t know the extent of the damage until he’s at least two years old. We’ll have to see how he develops to discover how the brain damage will manifest in his abilities. He might be able to resolve his issues with physical and occupational therapy, or he could have lifelong limitations. Based on the size of the injury, he most likely won’t be one of the kids you think of when you hear “Cerebral Palsy.” He probably won’t be in a wheelchair. Hopefully. But he definitely won’t have an easy road. And any hopes Bear held on to about our Rookie still being a super athlete despite his prematurity, pretty much died.
This is a man who has two loves in his life. Me, and sports. Particularly football. He has no other passions, and even few other deep interests. And now the son that he’s longed for for so long most likely will not be able to participate in them. Devastating doesn’t even begin to describe it.
We’ve had a few days to process everything and we’re doing pretty ok. We’re probably doing far better than we should be given everything we’re facing. Luckily we’re both fixers and after a couple days in bed eating our feelings (fancy European chocolates for me, crappy pseudo pastries – Ding Dongs, donuts – for him) and watching sports underdog movies (we own Rudy, Rocky, and Hoosiers and had a marathon this weekend) , we sat up and came up with a battle plan. Bear is so good at his job and he has a specialized skill, he’ll be able to find something. We might just have to revise what we’re looking for a little. He also works with PT’s and OT’s and I know I can take Atticus into the therapy room and have them show me what to do and I’ll turn myself into his personal physical therapist. There are state programs we qualify for that send therapists to our house and I am going to take advantage of them and get educated and throw myself into this.
We’re resolved to get through this and tackle these challenges, but I would be so lying if I didn’t also say that we are terrified and feel angry at God and completely betrayed. We are good people. We help others whenever we can. No one should have to go through what we’ve gone through in the past ten years.