For the past two weeks, I’ve been absolutely useless. It’s been all I could do to eat three meals a day and keep it down. I haven’t accomplished a single useful thing, and even when I try I get about two steps in and then the exhaustion just forces me back on to the couch.
I’ve been non-stop queasy. I haven’t thrown up yet, thank goodness, but instead I get completely nauseous after every meal. Every time I eat so much as a cookie I have to go lay down and be still for a few hours, and then it’s time to eat again. Bear’s had to do everything for me because all I can do is lay there and not throw up.
But mainly, I can’t do anything because I am an electric bundle of anxious nerves, and I spend most of my days wandering through the house worrying and wondering and praying and hoping and counting down the seconds until my eight week appointment to see if it’s going to work this time.
Today was the big day.
And I woke up to the phone ringing with a call from the doctor’s office canceling the appointment.
I immediately start weeping huge racking sobs as some anonymous girl tells me she has no information for me but she’ll leave a message for someone to call me which of course they don’t do.
I sat there with the phone in my hand rocking back and forth and crying until 11:30, and then I started making phone calls. 40 minutes later, I finally find someone who can help me after sobbing and explaining the whole sordid story to about six different people. Angel nurse Louise actually knew what was going on, so when I told her about the last miscarriage happening right about now in the pregnancy and that I was on the verge of jumping off the roof if someone didn’t tell me what was going on in my uterus, she tackled the nearest doctor and forced me into their schedule.
I’ll basically have to show up, strip down, get the lovely wand ultrasound, and hightail it out of the room before the next person comes in. But I don’t care. If I see a little flashing light showing the heartbeat, it will be worth it. And if not, at least I won’t have to be nauseous for much longer.