Things aren’t looking too good for the baby. We went in for an ultrasound on Monday and they still couldn’t find a heartbeat. So they sent us to the hospital for another ultrasound and about four different doctors, and they recommended doing a D&C right then and there.
We couldn’t bring ourselves to. So we asked to wait another week and see if anything changed, but they made sure we knew that our odds were infinitesimal.
We don’t really know what to do at this point. We’re pretty much beside ourselves as I’m sure you can imagine. We’re bracing ourselves for the miscarriage happening any moment now, but hoping beyond hope for some miracle.
Monday morning we’ll have another ultrasound, and if nothing changes by that point there will be no other possible route. We’ll know that the baby just stopped growing. It happens every day. And then I’ll have the procedure and we’re back to where we started from.
The doctors are actually very optimistic about all this. We beat the odds in a lot of ways and it’s very positive for our future, but it’s pretty hard to see things in those terms right now. These days are pretty dark.
We’re going to go eat our feelings and then Bear’s going to take me to where I can really soothe my spirit: Borders.