Last Sunday I auditioned for a big fat big big play. And I still haven’t heard anything and I’m losing my mind.
5 stakes in my area are working together to produce a play that will be the first performance ever in the brand new state of the art Gallo Center being built here in Modesto. There will be about 1000 people working on the production, and the other night over 150 people auditioned for a role.
When I was at BYU, I decided, too late, to follow my heart and study acting. Of course most of BYU’s programs are set up so that you cannot finish them unless you’ve been there for four years and I was a transfer student. So I ended up taking two of the beginning classes where at 20 I was the oldest person in the classes, auditioned for a play and then just gave up any thoughts of finishing the program and graduated already because school is dang expensive.
I got the part I wanted in that play at BYU and my friends in the program were really surprised. It was for the hottest writer in school with a great director and I hadn’t paid my dues and I got it anyway. And then my wisdom tooth got infected and I had to have emergency oral surgery and got kicked out of the play.
That actually wasn’t the first time I had to drop out of a play after getting the cherry role. As a teenager one of my stakes did a production of Saturday’s Warriors and I got cast in the lead role as Pam. But then they scheduled all the rehearsals over spring break, which I didn’t get because I was in college and working two jobs. So out I went. And the director told me she cried when she got the news.
I got really into acting in junior high when my drama teacher cast me as Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. After that I auditioned for everything that came along and I always got a really good part. Now I think it’s probably because I’ve always been a very good reader and at that age that’s really all it takes. But at the time I thought that I would be a famous actress and I envisioned all the good I would do in the world be being successful and retaining my standards.
When I graduated from college we moved to Orange County where Bear’s parents lived so we could be closer to family and I could try my hand at being an actress. I bought books and headshots and took one look around LA and realized that I was never going to make it as an actress the traditional way. In LA the streets are lined with women trying to break into the porn business. And after meeting a few dozen waiters and retail clerks and subway sandwich artists who were all actors willing to do whatever it took, and I mean *whatever it took* to get a break, I just decided that pursuing acting that way was not going to work for me. I would never find an agent in LA willing to take me on with no professional experience and being unwilling to take on about 90% of the roles out there because I wouldn’t do a nude scene or a graphic love scene or smoke or take the Lord’s name in vain, or discuss overly adult content, or, or, or, blah, blah, blah, you get the idea.
So I gave it up and moved on with my life. But every time I watch the Oscars or the Emmys I look on with longing.
Several months ago I went to a community theater production of Kiss Me Kate. Before it started I was really excited and thinking of joining a community theater group myself. Then I sat through an awful awful awful two hours and decided against it. Although I had to sit and make a pro and con list of which was the greater evil, getting on stage and making a fool of myself with people who don’t know their lines and can’t figure out how to work their zippers, or never getting back on stage again. It was a close call, but I finally determined that those weren’t my only options and decided to wait it out.
So when I heard about this production I was overjoyed. I worked hard, prepared two different songs and a monologue, auditioned my little heart out and I really felt like I nailed it. I felt like the part was mine.
Whenever anyone asked I would say that I felt like I did really well but there were so many variables, I might not have seen all the auditions, the director might already have known of someone they wanted to work with, they might have taken an instant dislike to me, blah blah blah. Who’s to say?
But in my head I thought, that part is mine.
Last night I heard that some people I knew were getting callbacks already. And I haven’t heard a peep. I’ve even started answering calls from telemarketers just in case the director decides to call me from an 800 number. The deadline is still about a week away, but I’m just going nuts.